It is now just over a year since I retired.
I think back on my working days and one thing I remember is that each working moment never held my full attention. For each moment I was working on the task at hand, I was, in the back of my mind, either revisiting an action I had just taken or was thinking about what was next on my list of things to accomplish.
I never fully appreciated the content of my work days. I was bored by them, sometimes indifferent to them, sometimes challenged but more likely than not, just never fully present.
On my walk in the park this morning, as I stood near a beautiful fountain, surrounded by freshly cut emerald green lawns while the sun warmed my face and the breeze tickled the leaves, I realized I was thinking about my cellar stairs. To be more exact, I was thinking about how I was going to go about putting up some railings.
Cellar stairs? Railings? I realized I had dragged my work day mentality right into retirement.
We have all heard about "being in the moment" and the "the sacred now" and I have paid lip service to the concepts. Now I was confronted by the fact that that was all I had done; paid lip service.
I took a deep breath and decided to settle into the moment. I sat on the edge of the sun warmed granite and placed my hand against the mica speckled stone. I could feel the rough texture against my palm and noticed how the mica caught and held the sunlight.
I saw how the water sprays painted a rainbow against the deep blue sky and heard the distant call of mourning doves.
I felt the utter sweetness of the moment.....but then, well, I was back to thinking about the stairs.
I told myself the time to think about the stairs is when I am working on the stairs. I was very, very stern with myself!
As I stood to continue my walk I kept bringing my focus back to what I was doing at the moment. I would bring my attention solely to what was before me. I noticed I could hold appreciation and focus for as long as I was consciously trying to but the moment I let go of trying to focus....... my mind was adrift to random thoughts.
Does it matter? I think it does. I don't want to live an unnoticed life. By that I mean I want to be the "noticer" .....I don't want to pass by the beauty of the world because I'm composing a mental "to do" list.
It is just mind garbage.
So, for now my focus is going to be on bringing myself back to the moment I am in, moment by moment.
I think back on my working days and one thing I remember is that each working moment never held my full attention. For each moment I was working on the task at hand, I was, in the back of my mind, either revisiting an action I had just taken or was thinking about what was next on my list of things to accomplish.
I never fully appreciated the content of my work days. I was bored by them, sometimes indifferent to them, sometimes challenged but more likely than not, just never fully present.
On my walk in the park this morning, as I stood near a beautiful fountain, surrounded by freshly cut emerald green lawns while the sun warmed my face and the breeze tickled the leaves, I realized I was thinking about my cellar stairs. To be more exact, I was thinking about how I was going to go about putting up some railings.
Cellar stairs? Railings? I realized I had dragged my work day mentality right into retirement.
We have all heard about "being in the moment" and the "the sacred now" and I have paid lip service to the concepts. Now I was confronted by the fact that that was all I had done; paid lip service.
I took a deep breath and decided to settle into the moment. I sat on the edge of the sun warmed granite and placed my hand against the mica speckled stone. I could feel the rough texture against my palm and noticed how the mica caught and held the sunlight.
I saw how the water sprays painted a rainbow against the deep blue sky and heard the distant call of mourning doves.
I felt the utter sweetness of the moment.....but then, well, I was back to thinking about the stairs.
I told myself the time to think about the stairs is when I am working on the stairs. I was very, very stern with myself!
As I stood to continue my walk I kept bringing my focus back to what I was doing at the moment. I would bring my attention solely to what was before me. I noticed I could hold appreciation and focus for as long as I was consciously trying to but the moment I let go of trying to focus....... my mind was adrift to random thoughts.
Does it matter? I think it does. I don't want to live an unnoticed life. By that I mean I want to be the "noticer" .....I don't want to pass by the beauty of the world because I'm composing a mental "to do" list.
It is just mind garbage.
So, for now my focus is going to be on bringing myself back to the moment I am in, moment by moment.
